Wah udah lama gak ngecek blog gw… Rupanya lumayan banyak juga ya yang udah baca n kasih comment blog gw… Thanks ya… Jadi pengen nulis sesuatu lagi, ntar klo ada bahan yang bisa gw ceritain bakal gw tulis lagi deh ^_^…. Thanks all
February 20, 2008
11:03pm, one hour before my 20th birthday…
Melihat masa lalu gw (wekekekekek, bahasanya) yang hidup hampir 20 tahun di dunia ini… Ada hal yang sempet gw sesalin, tapi jadi bersyukur , dan ada hal yang dari awal gw sudah senang dan bersyukur…
Sekolah, jatuh cinta, make friends, patah hati, lulus, kuliah, menyepi, party, laugh n cry, joy n sorrow…
Gw dari dulu memang gak pinter kli ya nulis kyak gini…
Just wanna say…
I really thanks to God, Allah SWT… To made my become like this… I
know I’m really not a religious person… But I really thanks for the
way of life that YOU give me
For my family
Thanks for raising me, I really happy… I born in this family…
My Mom, always angry to me but I know U care about me
My Pa, teach me and care about me with your gentle but strict ways
My bro n sis, caring siblings, makes me angry, laugh, happy n sad…
Luv you all, and I always miss you all….
Really… For the first year I go to college far away from all of you, I think it’s OK, I can be a dependent now… But, after the first year, I really miss you all, especially by youngest sibling, Tania… My 5 years old tomboy little sis, still cute n funny… Really likes Naruto right now…
It really teaches me, that all of you really important to me… If it’s possible, I would like to finish my college as fast as possible, and return home… To Lampung
My Bestfriends, n friends…
Tedy, Bro… I heard U hunting chicks rit now, eh? Careful with your step…
Verra, Be tough… College is hard I know, just share if you like to. A cute girl but can be very sensitive
Lidia, Hello miss…. Thanks for your advice lately, really makes me conscious about my self and what I really am… One mature girl
Sometimes I really like to "review" about my self and I know that I lack in socialize department…
For me, all of you is the second most important people after my family… Don’t wanna lose anyone of you… U are the people I cant trust with my secret and point of view… And all of you help me when I feel lost about myself… Really thanks…
And for my friends, thanks for becoming my friends… Can’t mention all of you one by one… But, each of you really means something, taught me something, help me, Comfort me, makes me sad, angry, etc… Thanks, for coming into my life….
For Moniq (Apple)
Yes, you’re the Apple I always wrote… Most of my friends already know who you’re so I finally write your name here….
You know… You’re the first girl that came to my life… And U said that I would teach me about love… Yes, I finally understand about it… I’m sorry I disappoint you, I can’t be your hero…
It’s been 5 years since we broke, but I still have a feelings for you…
I know I just doing something stupid 2 years ago, when I knew that you already have a boyfriend, I ran… Maybe it’s immature… But sure is it’s immature…
Letting you go away is the hardest part to make my life back to normal…
But I learned my lesson that… I should let you go away… Maybe many books that I read is right, it’s men problem to let things go away, and men prefer to chase it, rather than let it go…
I understand that I cannot have everything I want as mine
But, inside me, I know… I still love you, but, it’s my past and I know that you already with someone else… So, hope you happy (^_^)…
Meeting you in my life really teach me something great…. And I really thanks for that…
And finally for Gerry Arjuna Bangsaratoe, myself
Hello myself, just wanna say hi… and tells that…
I really have fun to be me…. I know I have some good things that must be improved and bad things to get over with…
I thanks to my self that every choice whether it’s by consideration, or just luck, really tells us something about life…
Thanks to myself, that I can still hold my principle…
Thinks, about the meaning of my life, why I be born…
Live as my own way… I know, sometimes people hate it, but, I’ve through it
Laugh, joy, cry, and sad… Every bad things make me stronger, and every good thing make me feel happy…
And know.. I learn that… I must life in reality… I can’t live in the world with wondering… " how if…. or how if…." It’s really OK, if it’s happened then it’s happened… Cry if U want… But after that… Let it go… Let the mistakes be done… But learn from it….
And finally for my self….
Cheers for my life…… Really happy that me is me….. (^_^)
Hope myself be ready and tough of whatever will be coming in this new age of life
End of it….
February 21st 2008,
00:19 am (I’m already 20 right now)
Bener gak sih klo manusia udah punya prinsip, dia harus hidup berdasarkan prinsip itu?
Gua gak perlu jawaban buat itu, karena jawaban gw bakalan "ya"
Tapi, gw pengen tau, apa semua orang yang punya prinsip pernah sesekali tergoda untuk ngelanggar prinsip / batasan yang mereka buat sendiri?
Gw sempet pengen untuk ngelanggar prinsip yang gw bikin, tapi setelah gw ngobrol ama temen gua (temen baek n bisa gw percaya), gw akhirnya bisa kembali sadar n gak jadi ngelewatin batasan yang gw bikin sendiri….
Tapi kenapa ya, kok gw punya perasaan sedih karena memegang prinsip gw… Gw gak ngerti, apa gw ini robot? Apa gw ini pengecut karena hidup berdasarkan prinsip yang gw bikin sendiri, kaku…
Pikiran gw sama sekali gak tenang, sakit kepala, pengen teriak, nangis, tidur, pokoknya banyak banget, n hal ini bikin gw lelah… Prinsip yang membatasi klo gw tau ini salah atau benar… Kebenaran / keyakinan / pandangan hidup / prinsip gw anggep sama….
Apa cara gw ngejalanin hidup gw salah ya?
Antara hidup secara radikal, bebas, bahagia atau hidup secara teratur, idealis, pembelajaran???? Mana yang harus gw pilih… Gw selama ini menjalani hidup secara pilihan yang ke2…
Kasih tau gw, yang bisa kasih tau…. Gw gak ngerti apa2 tentang hidup gw… Lelah… Capek… Sedih…
Apa kyak kata temen gw aja? Apa gw kurang bersyukur dan selalu melihat hidup orang disekitar gw? Yang kyaknya lebih bebas?
Gw sadar sih, gw ini tipe orang yang bisa dibilang "hampir" anti-sosial… Kacaw… Tapi anti sosial yang membatasi pergaulan gw.. Mungkin gak cocok juga kli klo disebut anti sosial… Apa harus gw bilang sistem proteksi diri yang berlebihan terhadap pengaruh dari luar? Terlalu berat mungkin bahasa yang gw pake ya?
Klo gw punya banyak waktu liburan… Gw pengen banget pergi sendiri gw pantai atau gunung… Menyepi… Ntah kenapa urusan hidup gw serasa melelahkan n mo bikin kepala gw meledak…
Bahasa komunikasi gw jelek banget…
Kata orang curhat bisa bikin beban yang dirasa lebih ringan… Tapi gimana klo tiap gw hubungin temen baek gw, cara nyampein gw selalu kabur, malah gak pas dengan yang gw maksud… Hahahaha… Payah ya?
Cara gw buat ngilangin tingkatan stress gw?
Tertawa n menangis… Gak bebas ditempat umum, memang… Klo suatu saat gw ada di dalam kamar gw, sendiri, setel lagu keras2 , mungkin gw lagi tertawa, mungkin gw lagi menangis… Hidup gw belakangan ini terasa berat… Gw butuh pelampiasan… tapi apa? Gw gak tau caranya… Ada yang bisa ngajarin gw?
First case….
I just got addicted again to video game… Again…. I got insomnia and always miss morning class… It "sucks" my money… Video Games can be fun, but can be seriously fatal if one can’t handle the excitement… I’m broke (- .-)
Second case …
Just see my first ex pic this morning in one of my friend’s Friendster picture profile… She just got more beautiful…. Her shadows always haunted me in these four years… And got worse lately…. And this morning I see her pic…. I don’t know what kind of dream I’ll have tonight… Probably a nightmare… It’s just … An old pain memories… But somewhat nice and always memorable….
I don’t how she is doing in this last 2 years… The oath that I will not contact her again is binding me… I thought I will be able to forget her… I thought I’m a man, should not be sissy and will be able to move forward…. But… I was stopped… wondering in the past… Stupidly…. I believe she already move forward.. Idiot me… But I still want to strive… I want to forget her at all cost… Even it’s mean I got amnesia….
I hate myself coz of this… I hardly date a girl… I’m afraid it will be like the last time… It’s just a run away… Her shadows haunted me… Maybe I’m just a sick bastard because of this… I never mean to hurt someone else with my "run away from reality"… So now I strive alone… Never want to date in this 2 years… It’s been 4 years since we broke up… 2 years run away… 2 years become a lone wolf…
I believe it’s my own self who can help myself… Friends and best friends already gives some advice for me… But it’s futile…. It’s just a common advice, and most of the point is the same… I always be like this on this 4 years until now (make it 4 and half years).. Stupid me… I hate this side of me… I wish I got amnesia… Really I do…. Sucks!!! I just can’t cross what I’m saying… I can’t broke the oath I made to myself… I must not not seeing her…
Wah, semalem liat sosialisasi dana BOS dan BOP di Global TV, bagus juga, ya…
Moga moga aja bisa lancar…
Klo memang diawasin 3 lembaga kyak gitu, harusnya sih lancar… Tapi enak ya Jakarta, ada BOPnya, mana mereka ngerencanain tahun depan dari SD sampe SMP skul gratis..
Di Lampung kapan ya bisa kyak gitu… Kyaknya bakal lama nih, gw gak ada denger2 tuh rencana Pemda buat bikin skul gratis… Apalagi dari SD sampe SMA… Weleh, susah…
Hmm… Moga2 aja klo suatu saat gw dah ada anak, di Lpg udah ada BOP juga, biar biaya skulnya gratis, hehehehehehe….
Klo BOS buat bantu buku, n BOP buat bantu SPP skul, sekalian aja harusnya ada mobil antar jemput, biar anak2 kagak keluyuran abis pulang sekolah, biar bagus… Tapi gw pribadi belon pernah bolos, terus maen di jalanan gak jelas gitu lho (suer)… (^_^)
Tapi kapan ya, kuliah bisa gratis? Kyaknya 10 tahun ke depan pun bakal susah terealisasi… Padahal kyaknya persaingan global udah mulai… (Eh.. Mulainya kapan sih, lupa, tapi kyaknya tahun segitu udah deh)….
terus klo liat2, di Lpg, fasilitas swasta tuh, banyak yang lebih komplit dari pada skul negeri, tapi memang gak semua sih… Tuh, masalah laen lagi… (Nyam)….
Belon lagi standar bahan pelajarannya, wew…. Beda… Berapa tahun lagi ya, pendidikan di Ind maju? Toh, orang kita juga masih sering dibodohin pemerintah, hahaha… Politik gak jelas ah….
Udah dulu ah, males nulisnya….
Oooo… Kay…
Finally I could beat him again, actually I won against him last week, but I just feel that was lucky… So I challenge him again tonight, and I won…
His style is pushing the enemy by combination attack of upper, and below attack, continue with combo… But somehow, I feel I can read his moves.. Maybe because I play the game many times with him, even thought I was losing…
Some character combos made me feel amazed, I never know, some chars like Ramon, Kasumi, Malin, Shingo, etc can use deadly combos… While Kyo Kusanagi stronger than before, because he finally got his projectile moves again and good at pushing the enemy, and the new comer such as B. Jennet and Gato is really powerful…
Combo between Shen Woo and Malin could make my char stun, they hit my char over and over, while tagging each other… I could lose one char without doing anything with their combination attack!!.. Scary…
Something makes KoF XI difficult and easy… I just feel it like that…
It’s easier to use combo, but U also get easier to get knock down by combo, make the gameplay feel so short…
I could use some deadly combos (Super cancel + Dream cancel) but only with one character, I still need to train using combos using 2 chars (tag) I guess… If not, I will become a loser in KoF game…
Baru aja gw abis nonton FTV di tv (RCTI), "Katakan Sebelum TerlamabT"
Bagus juga filmnya, gw niat pengen nonton film ini abis liat iklannya, ngena banget ke gw… Very nice… Story about father and son…
Ya know, it made me miss my pa…
For my part, the most important one in my family, is my pa… Then my ma.. Then my siblings…
I don’t know why, but It always make me sensitive feelings if I watch movie about "family drama", especially involved father and son…
I know I’m not close to my pa…Even, we not talking much… It’s just… I think there’s lot of emotional, and wonderful memories with my pa, than other family members… The best memory is… When I laid down in my parent bedroom, and feel too tired (lazy) to move to my own room, and my pa, try to wake me up, but ended bring my body in his arm ( I was in junior high school back then), put me in my bed, and kiss me in my forehead.. (darn, I almost cry again when I write this part)….
Maybe I have father complex or if it’s not, maybe just have a too care feelings…
Tonight the first site I open, friendster, straight to the blog and currently listen to "Michael Buble - Home"… I really wanna go home… But, the last exam will be held on Thursday… So I will get to my home at friday… Feels so long….
I just realized, things that makes me easily cry, is not a tragic story of someone life, it’s … A drama of family problem involving father and son…
Sorry, I changed the language, from Indonesia at the beginning to English, because I don’t wanna my siblings at Friendster, read it and tell it to my pa… It will be not very funny, ya know… (^_^)….
Ah bosen nonton sinetron Indonesia… Bosen… Sama aja semua.. Dulu memang gw pernah tulis juga sigh di blog gw jeleknya film Indo… Klo dulu jadi film hantu semua, terus berubah ke film agama semua… Sekarang malah maen dongen - dongengan coba… Ugh.. Sama aja semua… Malezzzzz….
Btw, nih link kritik film yang fresh…
http://martinchandra.com/journal/jangan-tonton-sinetron-indonesia/
Monotonnya film Indonesia bisa dibaca disitu.. Lucu abiz (^_^)
check out juga bagian “baca juga nih”-nya…
Last Words :
Setuju ama tuh blog!!! Sinetron jama orba emang lebih bagus… Mending gak usah nonton sinetro Indo jaman sekarang (plagiat, monoton, basi, n mudah ketebak, aktingnya juga low banget)… Gw lebih suka nonton film 2 jam (kyak film2 bioskop Tr**s TV, atau make tvnya buat maen game daripada nonton sinetron Indo)…
Love Sick Prob…..
Why? When I have a crush with a girl, she already had a boy?
It made me dissapoint, but what can I do?
Steal her? Nah… It’s not my style…
Moreover it’s something like “against my code” …..
Maybe it’s because I’m too idealist… But… This is what in my mind :
- If I got her, then she might not a loyal type of girl
- If I didn’t got her, still …… It made me dissapoint…
It’s kind of dilemma for me… Trapped… In this situation… See her every weeks…
(Sigh)…. Stupid me……
If live is a game.. And luv is part of the live…. Then….. I play a game which I could never win
Ini kejadian tanggal 18 Juli kemaren sigh….
Gw beli hardisk 80 gigs… N nyoba2 ganti sendiri, hasilnya malah kacaw…….
Agh!!!!!
Power Supply meledak, n karena salah masukin RAM, RAM gw gosong…. 4 pinnya hangus, n sekarang lagi di retur.. Wekekekekekekek…. Kacaw… Kacaw….
Niatnya sigh beli 2nd ama temen biar murah, gak taunya malah rugi, n total ampir 2 kali lipetnya dari beli di toko……
Gw emang kadang pengen sigh nyoba2 ngelakuin sesuatu itu sendiri n coba2…. Padahal waktu gw masukin slot hardisk n RAMnya gw yakin bener kok waktu itu… Tapi kok malah keluar asap ya???
N angus segala? Hiks.. Sedih…. Bikin gw bokek aja….. padahal gw udah seneng bisa nabung ampe bisa hardisk 80 giga itu….. (separo sigh, gw biasa klo beli barang itu cuma minta separo harga ama bokap, separonya gw sendiri yang nanggung….) N karena hardisk itu gw yang ngerusak ya otomatis gw mesti bayar biaya perbaikannya sendiri juga sigh…. hiks…… Lagian gak enak minta ama bokap mulu….
It sucks!!!!….
